


Tinder Surprise

by thekumquat



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Veteran Bucky, tinder is an excellent vehicle for the petty judgement of others, today is a day of one shots, yes the title is a pun based on that one candy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 15:19:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4840400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekumquat/pseuds/thekumquat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James -- formerly Bucky -- Barnes got a tinder account because his friend Natasha insisted. He didn't really expect anything to come of it, and he certainly didn't expect to see anyone he knew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tinder Surprise

Natasha made James get a Tinder account for two reasons.

  1.      James needed to get laid
  2.      They both needed a quick and easy way to judge people based entirely on their appearances.



Mostly they used it for the second one.

Swipe.

Swipe.

Swipe.

“Jesus, look at this guy’s forehead.”

“Someone call an archeologist, we’ve discovered the last living Neanderthal.”

Swipe.

Swipe.

Swipe.

“Oh she’s cute.”

“I like her hair.”

Swipe.

Swipe.

Swipe.

“Her overbite makes her look like a Simpsons character.”

Natasha gets distracted by an article on her phone, leaving James to flip through the app on his own. He makes a few faces, swipes right a few times, then sees something that makes him sit up.

“Hell- _o_ ,” he says.

“What? What is it?”

“Oh my god.”

“Whatwhatwhat?” She leans over his shoulder and gasps.

 “He’s _gorgeous_ ,” she says.

“He can’t be human. No one that attractive can be a real human being.”  

James flips though the man’s pictures. There’s one of him in swimming trunks.

“Oh, god, look at those abs. Look at those _arms_.” James might start drooling. There’s a picture of him with a dog, with some friends, at a party. There’s a close up of him smiling hugely. It makes James’s heart flip over in a very strange way. Something about that face…

Natasha swipes to the next picture. The man is in a button down shirt and khakis. The sleeves are rolled up part way.

“Even his _forearms_ are hot,” James says. He whines in the back of his throat. “Natasha, he’s so hot. What do I do?”

“You swipe right. You swipe right _immediately_.”

James very, very carefully slides the picture towards the green arrow. If he lost Golden Adonis to the abyss he would never forgive himself.

“Now we wait,” Natasha said. “And we pray.”

They swipe through a few more pictures but after the perfection of Golden Adonis, everyone looks pale and bland. He tosses his phone on the table, and almost immediately the excitement is replaced with melancholy.

“He’s never gonna want to talk to me,” he says, shifting to lie back on the couch and stare morosely at the ceiling. Natasha rolls her eyes and wanders into the kitchen to make more coffee.

“Stay positive, James. You’re an attractive guy.”

“He’s a Greek god and I’m a disabled army vet with bad hair.”

“You have great hair!”

“You literally called me a trash hobo yesterday.”

“I said it with love.”

James can’t quite bring himself to be so hopeful. He spent two years in Iraq getting every ounce of optimism kicked out of him.  Even after he came back, he was different. He feels worn out and stretched thin and he knows it shows in his eyes. Even with the carefully chosen selection of pictures on his profile, his baggage is evident for anyone with half a brain to see.

Natasha keeps trying but he’s more or less consigned himself to dying alone and romantically unloved. And if it wasn’t for Natasha and Clint he’s pretty sure he’d die platonically unloved too.

His phone dings, and James practically hurls himself off the couch to get it.

God apparently decided to forgive James his many sins, because Golden Adonis has just sent him a message.

“NATASHA,” he yells, knowing she’ll know what he means.

“I TOLD YOU,” she yells back from the kitchen.

When he reads the message, his heart skips a beat. And not in the good way.

**S: Bucky, is that you?**

He stares at it for a long time. Nobody’s called him that in years. Not since he left for Iraq. By the time he finished his first tour, he wasn’t that person anymore. This has to be someone who knew him before, but James is _very_ sure he would have remembered knowing the embodiment of physical perfection.

He’s almost afraid to respond. He tends to avoid people who knew him before. They expect him to be the same person he was before, and when he isn’t, things get awkward and depressing very quickly.

James weighs his options, and curiosity wins.

**J: Nobody’s called me that in years. Who is this?**

He doesn’t have long to wait, because apparently Golden Adonis is also waiting right by his phone for an answer.

**S: It’s me, Steve! Steve Rogers! How are you??**

James’ blood turns to ice. He can’t breathe. No. No no no.

He looks at the pictures again. Don’t look at the body, look at the face, look at the smile. It’s like one of those magic eye puzzles. Once you see it, it pops out at you clear as day, everything clicking into place.

_Bucky what are you DOING? This isn’t going to help anyone, not them, not our country, not--_

_I don’t have time for another one of your goddamn speeches about morality, Steve, so just save it. This is what I want to do._

_No it isn’t! This isn’t you, this has never been you! I_ know _you!_

_Well maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do!_

“James?”

He looks up.

“You’re white as a sheet! What is it? Did he send you a dick pick and it’s totally malformed?”

“It’s Steve,” James croaks.  Her eyes go wide.

“Your Steve?”

“He wasn’t _my_ Steve.”

“But that Steve?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve seen pictures of your Steve, and he doesn’t look anything like that.”

He doesn’t bother to correct her this time.

“I, I don’t know. But it is. He said, and he. I recognize his face. I don’t know how he got this—“

Steve had always been handsome. He was five foot five and skinny as a rail and got sick if someone the next town over sneezed, but his blue eyes would blaze with passion and confidence and Bucky lo—

James. His name is James.

His right hand is shaking.  The left is solid as a rock, as always.

“James.” Natasha puts a gentle hand on his shoulder and starts to ease the phone out of his hand. He snatches it away from her, clutching it to his chest.

“No!”

She stares at him. He might be overreacting, but the mental image of Steve hunched over his phone waiting desperately for contact with his long-lost best friend is impossible to shake.

“I…” He stares at the phone. “What do I say?”

“’Holy shit I haven’t heard from you in years, how are you’?” Natasha suggests.

“More like ‘holy shit why are you talking to me when we last saw each other we never wanted to speak to each other again’.”

She winces.

“Then just… say hi. Tell him you’re doing well. Start small.”

**~~Wow, Steve you look~~ **

**~~Holy shit! It’s you!~~ **

**~~I can’t believe you actually want to speak to me~~ **

**~~Hey~~ **

**~~What’s up~~ **

**J: I didn’t even recognize you, you look completely different. I’m good. How are you?**

The little grey bubble floats by Steve’s picture for approximately three hundred years. Natasha takes away James’ coffee and replaces it with hot chocolate. He ignores it.

**S: Ha ha yeah it’s kind of a funny story. Do you remember just before you left I got that new job that had actual health insurance? I got that surgery to fix the scoliosis and all the meds for my, well, everything ha ha ha. I grew half a foot in a year, I’ve got the stretch marks to prove it. Wow I can’t believe I found you on tinder! This is so crazy! I’ve was just thinking about you, well I’ve been thinking about you for years ha ha never really stopped so what are you up to these days?**

Steve, apparently, is not interested in starting off slow.

**J: You look really good. I’m glad you’re doing well. I’m doing okay.**

He hesitates.

“Should, should I tell him about…?” He gestures to his left arm. Natasha shrugs a little, her expression something sad he can’t quite place.

“Can’t see how he’d miss it in the pictures.”

For some reason that only makes James more upset. He doesn’t want to bring up Iraq. That’s what ended their friendship in the first place. And yet, some part of him needs to say it. He wants the other shoe to drop now, before he gets too close. Again.

**J: Ended up doing a tour and a half before I had the accident. Lost the arm, but got a pretty cool prosthetic.**

He adds and removes a smiley face three times before asking Natasha. She vetoes the smiley face. He adds it anyway at the last minute.

**S: Oh jeez that’s awful, I mean I’m glad you’re doing better but I’m sorry that happened**

Bucky is about to brush it off when the little grey bubble appears.

Then it disappears.

It appears again, for a full minute.

It disappears again.

  **S: Do you want to meet up for coffee?**

**S: Or lunch?**

**S: Not as a date! Just to see each other again?**

**S: I really missed you. I really want to get to know you again. I want to be friends again.**

**S: Sorry, is that too much? I’m sorry. I don’t want to make things awkward. I just miss you. I said that already. I’m sorry. I don’t really know how to handle this.**

Bucky watches as Steve word vomits his way through a short novel of apologies and verbal backspaces. It’s so quintessentially _Steve_ that he can’t stop grinning. He can hear Steve’s voice in his head, stumbling over the words as he tries to make it right. He’s enjoying himself so much he completely forgets what this must be like at Steve’s end. Forgets that Steve can’t see him smiling.

**S: Please don’t go.**

Shit. He can hear _that_ in Steve’s voice too.

**J: I’m still here.**

**J: I didn’t want to interrupt, you had a good rhythm going. I’d love to meet for coffee.**

He gnaws on his lip, and then adds

**J: I missed you too.**

 


End file.
